Thursday, June 30, 2005

my 3d2n stint

back from familiarization attachment to company plant at last. dem tired! other than getting to stay in a nice hotel and eating hotel food to bursting point, it was all pretty boring. and it's double boring if u go alone. what's the point of going swimming, sauna, gym, strolling on the beach etc if u're doing it all alone? *sigh...

but at least i'm mobile, as i have the use of the company kembara. not that it's any good tho', coz where can u go in terengganu? night life there is practically nil, honest! here's the kembara that i have to drive, which is pretty embarassing, with the overhead lights, siren (switched off, of course!) and the noise. even tho' it's quite a new car (mileage just over 15k km), but it felt like it's parts will be falling off at any minute!


neeways, got a phone call to my hotel room on the 2nd night, from one of the managers, an expat (dutch, i think). took me quite a while realize phone was ringing actually, coz didn't expect ppl to ring me at the hotel!
h: hello stargal. this is h*.
s: oh hi (big question mark).
h: my wife and i will be going to the beach later, at around 9. so we were just wondering if you'd like to join us.
s: oh... erm... actually i'm just about to sleep!
h: what? at 8.30? i thought u're a big city girl. you should be feeling most alive at this time.
s: *laughing* i know! i guess staying in a beach resort has had it's effects on me. i'm getting so lazy!
h: ic. i was thinking since u have 3 days here, u'd be bored being cooped up in the hotel.
s: i am actually, but i was just watching tv and dozing off *laughs*.
h: *laughing* well, too bad then.
s: yeah, but thanks for the invitation anyway.
h: sure. see you tomorrow.

after putting down the phone, first thought: "how nice of them!" but when told mom, got different response: "dont' go! he might just be saying 'my wife and i' but then later come alone. very dangerous!" hmm... am i being too naive or mom's being too paranoid?

oh, and this was my first time flying domestic, so was a big sua-ku having to actually walk down from the plane! hehe... but i think the waiting part was a bit waste of time. the flight proper takes less than 1 hour, but we'll have to wait for like hours! now i can sorta understand why my fren H said business trips are so sien.

Friday, June 24, 2005


s: hello?
j: hi stargal, u remember me?
s: huh?
j: u don't remember me? we met last week during the m* dinner.
s: huh?
j: i'm j* from exx* lar.
s: oh, hi (groan!)
j: so normally where do u have ur lunch?
s: ta-pao back and eat with my clgs.
j: ic. what abt dinner?
s: umm... i normally umm eat dinner with my bf
j: oh, u have a bf?
s: yeah.
j: ic, how long have u been together?
s: a few years.
j: so are you happy with him?
s: *lost for words for a while n starting to get annoyed* obviously rite? if not i wouldn't be with him for so long rite?
j: ic. is he ur first bf?
s: yes (yay, got 8 e-mails!)
j: normally first love last very long wan. so u mean u dun have any bf during ur schooling years?
s: no.
j: but u're so pretty.
s: so? *rolling eyes n dun make any effort to hide annoyance from voice anymore*
j: maybe u dun layan them?
s: mm...
j: so ur bf is also around klcc?
s: no, we meet up after work (Dear boss, i just received the report from.....)

j: ic, is ur bf the jealous type?
s: um... we give each other a lot of freedom.
j: really? so means if ur bf goes out on dates with other girls, u'll be fine?
s: going out to eat together and dates are 2 different things and anyway, he dun do that.
j: hey, u can never be sure u know. maybe he nvr tell u leh?
s: we meet almost everyday, how can i not know?
j: very difficult to say wan.
s: mm...
j: u don't stay with ur bf?
s: no.
j: don't u think it's a good idea to stay together?
s: no (hmm... if my flight is at this time, that means i should...)
j: then do u always hang out over to his place or he comes over to ur place?
s: no. normally we go out during weekends.
j: u don't stay over at each other's place during weekends?
s: what for? we have our own house to go back to.
j: no mar, since u don't have to wake up early for work on the weekends, then can just sleep in. don't u think that'll be nice? u don't like to cuddle wan ar?
s: (what the...??!!) hey, but isn't that a bit personal?
j: no mar, just that some of my friends who live with their parents say it's very inconvenient. i don't mean to upset u. just wanted to see what's ur opinion.
s: mm...
j: but u're quite open minded rite?
s: huh?
j: coz u gave me ur number...
s: huh? i just gave u my ext. no *rolling eyes* and anyway, it's all just part of the job.
j: oh, u see it as part of ur job...
s: mm...
j: ic... hey, it's been nice knowing u. maybe we can do lunch sometimes? since dinner is out of the question for u.
s: mm... (shit)
j: but this week i can't lar, coz i need to go to K* on wed, then on..... bla bla bla
s: mm... (*flipping newspaper* hey, isetan on sale!)
j: bla bla bla
s: mm... (shut up lar)
j: bla bla bla
s: mm... (urgh, can shaddup or not???)
j: so maybe next week or the week after that?
s: mm, whatever lar *rolling eyes*
j: hey, it's been nice knowing you.
s: yeah...
j: too bad u alread have a bf.
s: ok, bye!
~ click ~
s: *screaming shrilly in the head*

Monday, June 20, 2005

of ghosts n ghouls...

i've always been a timid gal, despite the tough outlook (at least to some people anyway) and having a wild imagination is of no help at all!

when i was in secondary school, i would always make a resolution to wake up early to chant 1/2 hour of Daimoku before going off to school. most days, i'd be able to achieve it quite easily albeit being a well-known sleepyhead. but some days, my imagination would get the beter of me and i'd be too afraid to get out of bed at such ungodly hours. i'd imagine a cold bony hand reaching out from under the bed to grab me by the legs if i so much as push my legs out of the boundaries of my mattress, or seeing a white shadow drift pass in the pitch black hall outside when i open my room door. then i'd stay put in bed until more souls have stirred from their slumber and i can see more lights coming to life from the houses in my neighborhood.

i'm always careful to avert my eyes from the foggy mirror when i shower. it's only when i've finished showering and the fog in the mirror has cleared some that i braved myself to look at my own reflection and chide myself for being such a silly ole goose. no scary image is going to appear behind you in the reflection! i also avoid looking into the rearview mirror when driving alone late at night unless absolutely necessary, which i must admit, is not really safe driving.

yesterday, went for a small pot-luck gathering with my ex-colleagues. 1 of them was just telling about her recent trip to taiwan and one of the 'highlights' of the trip was the haunted hotels. her room mate actually saw an image of a lady ghost behind her while showering!!! gosh, how the hair on my hands and neck pricked!

and henceforth, the conversation turned to haunted hotels and ghosts n spirits in general. at that moment, in broad daylight, it was all pretty interesting conversation. but after that, in the midst of the night, when we're all alone on a moonless night, the streets deserted of living things and a love-sick dog howling away in the distance, it'll all come back to play havoc on our minds.

suddenly i remembered that i'll be going to terengganu next week, for my 3d2n familiarisation attachment at my company plant. and i'll be staying at the hotel all by myself! *shudder* i don't know how i'm going to get thru that 3 days, esp when i'm in the shower! oh how i wish i've not participated in that revelry of spooks!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

I'm Greek God...

hmm... a little difficult to read. k lar, i'll type it out:

You're like the Greek God Morpheus, of dreams.
Believing there is something bigger out there,
are often lost in thought. You're imaginative,
and smart - not always a leader, but usually
the one who came up with the plan.
You often ask, What if... and long to get

out of the darkness and through the window.

Which Of The Greek Gods Are You?
brought to you by

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

is it all in the clothes?

despite having a wardrobe filled to the point of exploding, i still end up standing in front of it for a full 10 minutes every morning and not finding anything to wear! y is that??? n i noticed that i wear the same clothes to work every week. *sigh...

a friend once told me (after making observations to what i normally wear) that i need to do away with such conservative clothes and start donning 'nicer' clothes. hmm... yeah, if i had a nicer (read: slimmer) body, of course lar i won't mind wearing all those 'nice' clothes.

stop! what's with all those "inverted commas"?? ok, lemme explain. after making some observations of my own, i've come to the conclusion that most clothes that passed off as 'nice' (there goes those inverted stuff again!) are clothes that are either stringed, laced, -less (as in sleeveless & strapless), short (in terms of skirts), bare- (as in bareback), low cut, see through etc. hmm...

points to ponder for the week: Don't Judge the Book by its Cover vs. It's the Clothes that Makes the Man (in this case, Woman).

for me, i go for comfy. i'd definitely not torture myself into wearing heals when i know i have to walk a lot. so naturally flats will be my choice for the office (coz of the lrt ride, remember?), instead of those healed strappy thingy. and that's also the reason y i dun wear skirts anymore. how can one walk briskly in short skirts? i know some ppl can, but i can't, ok?

neeways, back to my overstuffed wardrobe. as stressed in my previous post, i think i'm getting fatter. most of my clothes in the closet seem to accentuate my tush and i really am not being paranoid here! i've played with thoughts of clearing out those i-wish-i-could-still-but-can't-anymore clothes and i'll-wear-it-someday clothes, but would never get down to actually doing it, always giving one or a combination or ALL of the following reasons:
1) lazy
2) sayang to give away
3) hey, some of it are brand new, ok? i've not worn it even once!
4) lazy
5) some other time lar
6) there's still *crushing all the clothes to one side with an effort* space wat.....
7) i'll do it when i move - i'll be moving soon anyway (something i've been saying for like 100 years)
8) what will i wear when i give it all away?? (not that i actually wear them, but it makes good excuse)
9) lazy
10) i might slim down one day and be able to fit into it

so the fact remains that the dem closet is exploding and i have no clothes to wear... *sigh...


what happened to my tag-board? dun tell me i need to get a new one again... *sigh...

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

I'm a Mango!

got this in the e-mail today. quite true, especially about me loving mental challenges (i love IQ tests!) and also being accomodating in my love life (*sigh... dunno if it's a good thing or not).

Which fruit will you pick if you were handed these:
1. Orange
2. Apple
3. Banana
4. Coconut
5. Pineapple
6. Papaya
7. Mango
8. Cherry
9. Black Grapes
10. Peach
11. Custard Apple
12. Pear


If orange is your favorite fruit, it speaks of a person who has enduring patience and will power. You like to do things slowly, but very thoroughly and are completely undaunted by hard work. You tend to be shy, but are reliable and trustworthy friend. You have an aesthetic bent of mind. You select your partner with care and you love with all your heart, and not in for just a fling. You avoid conflict at all costs.

If apple is your favorite fruit, you are an extravagant, impulsive and outspoken person, often with a bit of a temper. While you may not be the best organizer yourself, you make a good team leader and are good at taking things forward. You can take quick action in most situations. You enjoy travel immensely. You ooze with charm when you are with your partner. You have an enthusiasm for life, unmatched by most.

You are a softie! Loving, gentle, warm and sympathetic by nature is the banana lover. You often lack in self-confidence and are quite timid by nature. People often take advantage of your sweet temperedness, and sheer vulnerability to a situation. You adore your partner in every which way, both for their mental and physical beauty! Because of the way you are, your relationship is always very much in harmony!

The coconut lover is a serious, very thoughtful and contemplative person. Though you enjoy socializing, you are particular about the company you keep. You tend to be stubborn but not necessarily foolhardy. Shrewd, quick-witted and alert, you ensure that you are right on top of any given scenario, especially at work. You need a partner with brains, and while passion is important it certainly isn't everything for you.

You are quick to decide and even quicker to act. You are brave in asking career changes, if that is what is to your advantage. You have exceptional organizing abilities and are undaunted by the size of the task at hand. You tend to be self reliant, sincere and honest in your dealings with others. Though you are not given to making friends very quickly, but once you do, it is for life. You rarely, if ever, make romantic overtures. Your partner is often impressed with your sterling qualities but disappointed in your ability to show affection.

You are truly fearless and take much that happens in life, in your stride. You give considerable thought to things you do. You have a sense of humor that along with your generous nature keeps you in most people's good books. You are a go-getter in your professional life, and have a knack for being in the right place at the right time. You enjoy meeting new people and seeing new sights whenever you can. Your sense of humor is what attracts members of the opposite sex to you more than anything else. It is simply charming!

A mango lover is a personality to be reckoned with, quite often you are a person who has quite fixed ideas, and influencing you is not an easy task. You tend to be an extremist with strong likes and dislikes, and times even like to control a situation. You enjoy getting involved in something that presents mental challenge. Strong as you may be, you are like a kitten when you are with your partner. You accommodate the love of your life, and make up for all the strong will elsewhere!

If cherry is your favorite fruit, life isn't always as sweet for you. You often face ups and downs, particularly professionally, and find that you make small sums of $$$, instead of a lump sum. You have a fertile imagination and are often involved in creative pursuits. You are a very sincere and loyal partner, but find that expressing your feelings is not very easy. Your home is your haven, and you love nothing more than being surrounded by close family and your beloved partner.

You are a polite person in general, but do have quick flare-ups of temper that cool down just as quickly. You enjoy beauty in all forms, including beautiful people. You are very popular because of your warm, gregarious nature. You have a zest for life, you enjoy everything you do, right from the way you dress, to your style and your day-to-day life. Your partner must share your zeal and zing for life to enjoy all you have to offer!

Like a peach, you enjoy the juice of life it all its lush ripeness! You are the friendly sort, and are quite frank and outspoken, which adds to your charm. You are quick to forgive and forget; and value your friendships
highly. You have an independent and ambitious streak in you, that makes you a real go-getter. You are the ideal lover, fiery and passionate but sincere and faithful in love. You don't however like to display all that passion in public.

You are a modest and conservative person who can be quite sensitive at times. You tend to be thoughtful and contemplative, and therefore are rarely rash in doing things. You are quite ambitious and are good at anything that requires much detailing or working with numbers. You are quick at finding fault with others. While looking for a partner, you value a person's intellect far above their looks or good old passion. You are quite shy and not very comfortable demonstrating affection.

If you put your mind to something you can do it successfully, but by and large you tend to be fickle and have trouble completing a task with the enthusiasm you started it with. You need to know the results of your efforts almost immediately. You enjoy mental stimulation and love to get into a good discussion! You tend to be a restless and high-strung person, and are easily excitable.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

The Journey Home

Riding down the escalator, I glanced at my watch and noted that it is already 6.11pm. Shucks, that means the train would be jam-packed with commuters. Made a mental note again (as with every other day) to try to leave earlier to avoid the crowd.

Quickening my pace towards the station, the word ‘Sale’ seemed jump at me from every direction. It’s the Mid Year Sale again. One drawback to working in the proximity of a shopping complex is the amount of temptations one would have to face every day. Fighting off just one such ‘devilish thoughts’ now, I tore away my gaze from the shop windows and set it resolutely to the far end of the pathway that leads to the underground station.

As i joined the throng of people making their way to the station through the tunnel, I saw 2 girls in short white skirts handling out some packet things to the passers-by in front of a makeshift booth. Suddenly, one of the girls thrust a packet of soy drink in front of me. “Try our new…” Without waiting for her to finish, I grabbed the packet drink and walked on.

After passing through the express lane with just a flash of my season card, I descended the stairs and came upon groups of people already waiting in front of the yellow boxes that mark the spots where the train doors would be stopping. I quickly looked at the sign to determine my platform and made my way to the middle of platform 2 where there are always fewer people. More people are appearing from the stairs and escalators, some joining me in my queue while others run toward the platform opposite where the train is already beeping its warning that their doors are closing.

Less than a minute later came the rumbling of the approaching train and 2 seconds later, the underground tracks were lighted up by the train’s headlights. The people begin to inch closer to the front. In unison as if by some unheard instruction, a narrow passageway opened up to let the people getting off the train pass before the rest of us pressed ourselves into the train, fearful to be the one left behind.

The already packed carriage came to an exploding point as the train pulled away and sped on towards the next station. As there would be no hope of ever finding an unoccupied seat, I held on for dear life and fell into the rocking rhythm of the moving train. With a total disregard for personal space, where every inch of standing space counts, the stench of unwashed humanity was overpowering. As naturally as possible, I turned away from the guy on my right, who reeks of mouldy undried clothes. But almost immediately, my nostrils were hit by yet another smell, this time from a lady in a blue headdress standing to my left. Face expressionless and avoiding any eye contact with anyone, I could only bear it until the crowd thins out.

4 stations later, someone near me got up to disembark. Without missing a beat, I settled into his place albeit it being all heated up, grateful for the opportunity to rest my legs. Standing near the door were 3 girls of around 15, in very short shorts and crazy colourful hair, creating a racket with their loud chattering and laughter. In another corner sat a couple, lost in a world of their own while the girl opposite me is having an sms relay with someone. The rest of the carriage were either having a shut-eye or just staring off into space. Soon, I too was oblivious to the goings-on around me as I lose myself in my book.

A few more stations later, the train speakers crackled to life and a voice mumbled something about the train approaching its last stop. Speeding up my reading, I finished up the paragraph and with a sigh, marked the page before stuffing it back into my bag. My carriage is nearly empty by now, with only 5 other persons left.

Exiting through the express lane, I saw the white-haired lady sitting at her usual spot at the bottom of the stairs, arms raised towards all the people coming out of the station, as if praying to them. Everyone averted their eyes and walked past her, pretending she wasn’t there. Reaching into my bag, I felt for the packet of soy drink and without even stopping, shoved it into the hands of the praying lady, almost forcefully, almost angrily, as if the very act itself is an embarrassment.

From the road outside, the train of which womb I have just emerged from a moment earlier lay dormant, the dark brown tracks beneath it snaking away through the concrete jungle of the city. Tomorrow will be another journey.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

recent comments...

yay! finally figured out how to add a 'recent comments' feature to my sidebar! *happy*

finances in a big mess...

*sigh... i'm so poor despite having a better paying job now. been trying my best to control my spending for like so long now, but still i'm so poor! ok ok, it was just 2 months of control, but still.....

and the worst thing is, my parents think i'm now like so loaded! but they forgot that i'm now just working 1 job, instead of 2. so in actual sense, i'm poorer than last time! so how do u tell ur parents that u're so in debt?

i've done the calculations - ok, not really count it out in a spread sheet, but just mental calculations - i think i'll only be able to really start saving after 2006, when i pay off my debts (don't ask me what debts, ok?) and also early 2007 when i pay off my car loan. gosh, seems like a lifetime away! *bawling*

now kinda regret some of the rash purchases i've made. why, oh why did i do it?!?


Thursday, June 02, 2005

getting fatter...

gosh! i've only been in this company for 1 1/2 month and already my waistline is increasing!

my company will be having a (3D2N) family day at A'Famosa Melaka with the second night dinner a themed event (Ebony & Ivory). so i was just trying out my clothes to see what can i wear or if i should get new clothes. in the end, decided on a simple white top with black linen pants. nothing special, coz not expecting to win the 'best dressed' - i'm not even sure if they have such prize!

neeways, i was trying out all my black n white pieces yesterday when to my horror, i found out that i can't squeeze into my white Hush Puppies skirt anymore! and my white linen pants make my tush look so obscenely repulsive! urgh!!!

it seems my company has some kind of makan culture. we're like always eating! all the meetings will surely come with refreshments (even a 4 person dept meeting!) and we have celebrations, etc. everything involves food... and the lunch i get here at klcc is no help at all. it's either fast food or mixed rice.

i thought of bringing my own food, but can't think of any that won't add on to the inches? egg-mayo sandwich is out due to the mayo, fried rice is very fattening, sushi is too expensive, mee cup is unhealthy... *sigh... suggestions anyone?

but i've started taking biscuits for breakfast now, instead of buying the nasi lemak/fried rice/fried mihun/fried mee that's being sold in the pantry. but biscuits can't last me very long, coz i get hungry again at 11am (and lunch is at 1pm!) now thinking maybe i should join the gym like some of the gals here...