Friday, January 07, 2005

not in a good mood today...

hmm... dunno y, today sees me a little under the weather... esp during my clg's house warming after work. easily irritable.

i guess first it was the gift we all shared to get her... it was way beyond my budget, almost double! that really burned a hole in my wallet... my manager went to buy it n he couldn't find the item we all agreed on earlier (with the agreed upon price). so he went to buy another much more expensive thing without consulting us first. my clg T n i were at a loss as to how to tell the others... as my manager said he'll give a bigger share, T suggested y not we just ask the rest to still pay the originally agreed upon share, and then the 3 of us in the dept will pay more, seeing that this clg is in our dept n we're closer to her. hmm... what can i say? i have 2 wedding dinners to attend this month, now with this unexpected expenses... *sigh...

anyway, i just told myself not to think too much of the money. we should be happy for my clg coz finally get to shift into her new home. but when we got there, we first met 2 of our ex-clg oredi there... i was the one who sms-ed them abt the share they have to pay for the present, and evidently they thought it too expensive. actually, b4 the rest of us in the office agreed on the item to buy, we budgeted it at a lower cost n i told my ex-clgs that. then when we decided on the item, it was over our budget of abt RM10 each. we thought it's still ok, so we went ahead. i didn't tell my ex-clgs abt this extra in budget, coz i thought they'll be ok with it too. but now, that 2 ex-clg are sort of like putting the blame on me. dunno lar, i can't say exactly what they said or hinted, but i can feel it from them lor. hey, i have to pay more than what they pay, ok? if they felt the burn, how abt the 3 of us?

hmm... then the whole nite, i find myself getting irritable at one of my ex-clg, for his incessant teasing. i never did liked his stupid jokes n teasings n sarcastic remarks b4, coz i can never top it or tease him down. but i can stand it tolerably well. but dunno y tonight, i just dun feel like taking any nonsense from him, esp when he called me names or teased me abt something.

normally, i can tolerate teasings from other ppl quite well, and will normally smile good-naturedly and laugh along with them. coz i know they're just teasing for fun and just for laughs. but i just hate his teasings, coz he's really thoughtless and is always doing it to degrade me and put me down. when he called me 'siao kao' (mad dog) tonight, i felt like shouting at him, "i may like dogs, but that doesn't mean i AM one, ok??!!!" but i just swallowed it up coz i dun wanna spoil my clg's house warming. i really really hate him for always calling me that! as always, i just smile or try to tease him down, but never succeeding. so maybe he thought i'm ok with it. maybe i should show more temper to let him know that i hate it.

hmm... then there's the tease abt my piano. i'm finally going to sell it, thanks to SC! *hugz* but i should've discussed it with her more privately tonight, instead of in front of everyone. coz it's another hot topic for them to tease me with. at times like this, i would regret letting anyone know anything abt me. like i said, i was easily provoked tonight.

that's y sometimes, i dun feel like telling ppl anything abt myself. just do the things i like quietly, then i can just go on changing my mind, taking up something, quiting it soon after, or buy something i like n losing interest in it later, without anyone bringing it up to my face later.

but come to think of it, i'm a terrible tease too. i'm also guitly of teasing ppl mercilessly. i would join in whenever someone is being teased and have a good laugh... but really, i dun mean any harm, just for fun mar. ok ok, i'm not going to justify myself for the acts that i hate being done on myself. i'm just as guilty. i'll try to be more tactful in my teasings next time.

there, i just made a new year's resolution without realizing it!

*biow, u're always saying that i'm full of the gen-y confidence, not caring abt wat ppl think of me. yeah, i'm normally like that, but sometimes, i have 'confidence break-downs' too... but then again, maybe this has nothing to do with confidence... i'm just irritated at times by the teasings. unlike u, i dun get depressed by what ppl say abt me. i just fume! luckily, my flames die down quite fast, so i'll get chummy-chummy with them again n tell them everything that i'm excited abt in my life! *sigh...