taking it all in my stride, come what may...

ever since the beginning of this year, i've been feeling really down in the dumps with my job. every morning, i'll be dragging my feet to work, hating every moment of it. i feel like a different person all together when i'm in the office, and i hate that person! not a single working day will go by without thoughts of resigning...

last week was particularly torturous... my emotions were like a storm, ready to burst at the slightest provocation. i've even typed out my resignation letter, ready to 'throw the white envelope' at any moment. and more than twice, i nearly did it!

also, i've been frantically searching for vacancies elsewhere, making enquiries... i've even decided that i'll do freelance full time as a last resort!

but over the weekends, i slept on it and really gave it a good thorough thought... and i chanted for the wisdom to make the right decision. while chanting, i looked deep within myself... and saw very clearly the decision that i should make.

to cut a long story short, i've decided to stay on until i complete my contract in apr. and in this 6 months, i will give my very best in my work, to really challenge myself. if i were to leave now, it'll be doing things halfway, rite? and i'm sure wherever i go, this problem would still be plaguing me. so i need to break free...

after this decision, i felt so liberated! it's as if a heavy weight has been lifted from my shoulders and all the fog has cleared. i was even looking forward to come to work this morning, dengan penuh semangat, even tho' i had to submit my mid-year performance review today! and on thurs will be my review session with my manager... it's gonna suck, i know, but i'm ready to face it. somehow, it all don't seem so daunting anymore.

so, that's that...

what a lame *ss!

x: so u're really not gonna see me anymore huh? forever?
stargal: oh, sure i will...
x: when?
stargal: i told u b4 mar...
x: ?
stargal: when the world freezes over
stargal: twice!
stargal: then u'll see me at ur doorstep
x: oh...

(5 minutes later)

x: freeze freeze
x: twice d
x: never see u also...
stargal: *rolling eyes*

in case anyone's wondering, this has nothing to do with yesterday's post

and the point is?

*sigh...

sometimes, i just don't know what all these are for? what is the meaning of life? why do we go thru life everyday, do the things we do, some of them things we hate, day in and day out, over and over again, only to die in the end? i don't get it. what's the point of all these???

gosh, i do sound suicidal, don't i?

sudden musing

if i can't be reborn as a human being in my next life and i have a choice as to what i wanna be, i'd like to be a dolphin pls.

mid-autumn night's fancy

yikes! i nearly had a heart attack when i typed in my blog url and was directed to this! someone must've hacked into my blog, deleted everything and replaced it with all those 'why' nonsense! then i realized i miss out the 'magic' in the url. *phew* hehe...

neeways... spent the mid-autumn festival alone at home yesterday. normally, N's mom would ask me over for dinner and later we would sit around to chat or play tanglung supervise N's younger cousins while they play tanglung. but this year, N's mom is tied up with something and N needs to go to her friend's bachelor's night thingy.

so that left me alone at home (housemates balik-ed kampung), with only kim sam soon for companion. L called to ask if i wanna go to K's 'moon night' party, but i wanna stay home anyway... nothing like spending a cool n quiet night with oneself, watching a good movie (ok, 'k-drama' in this case), with a few packets of 'rangup dan menyelerakan' mamee within reach, a tumbler-full of cold ribena on the night stand... ah, life is bliss...

can't see anything in the sky last night, save a thick blanket of greyish matter! *sigh* and seeing i din have any tanglung, i lighted this on my windowsill instead (lights off for added effect).

the phantom strikes!

how come they're going to s'pore and dun wanna drop by in m'sia ar? it's so near, and it's not like we dun have a proper venue for it...

neeways, they'll be gracing the s'pore durian hall (sure kena belasah by s'poreans after this!) in march next year. NOT gonna miss it!


one of my fav phantom songs:

All I Ask Of You
(*biow, i nvr copycat u ar... i've liked it b4 i found out it's ur's and em's special song! u know i'm a sucker for such romantic duets!)

RAOUL
No more talk of darkness
Forget these wide-eyed fears
I'm here, nothing can harm you
My words will warm and calm you
Let me be your freedom
let daylight dry your tears
I'm here, with you, beside you
To guard you and to guide you

CHRISTINE
Say you'll love me every waking moment
Turn my head with talk of summertime
Say you'll need me with you now and always
Promise me that all you say is true
That's all I ask of you

RAOUL
Let me be your shelter
Let mebe your light
You're safe, no one will find you
Your fears are far behind you

CHRISTINE
All I want is freedom
A world with no more night
And you always beside me
To hold me and to hide me

RAOUL
Then say you'll share with me one love one lifetime
Let me lead you from your solitude
Say you need me with you here beside you
Anywhere you go, let me go too
Christine, that's all I askof you

CHRISTINE
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you

BOTH
Share each day with me
Each night, each morning

CHRISTINE
Say you love me

RAOUL
You know I do

BOTH
Love me
That's all I ask of you
Anywhere you go let me go too