Thursday, September 16, 2004

a new beginning

well, ever since the break-up, i've been in a turmoil. i must admit that i've been playing with thoughts of getting back together with X. it's really hard to let go... really hard to think that he won't be in my life anymore... that's y i've been holding on... *sigh...

but after some soul searching, i've decided that i don't need this kind of guy to be my bf. i mean, he's not even bf material, for crying out loud! truthfully, he didn't even fit into my 'standard' idea of a bf, let alone the 'ideal' idea of a bf. of all the millions of guys in the world, i have to go and fall for a swine. talk about bad luck! but hey, i don't even believe in luck. talk abt bad karma!

from now on, i'm saving myself for someone who truly deserves me. someone who is worth my love, who has the conscience and integrity to not betray my trust and take advantage of my love. i should not degrade myself and devalue my self-worth in any way by settling for less. i owe myself this much!

i took a love test once and found that my strongest point is compromise. well, never again will i compromise myself. i must first and foremost love myself before loving others, so as not to lose myself to unhealthy obsessions and blind love. no one has the right to make me lose myself!

after this realization, i cried buckets again. *sigh... dunno y, the tears just kept flowing... no, i should say pouring... pray that i remain strong n courageous!

Mr Daisaku Ikeda:

But you must never think you are worthless. No one can substitute for you, who are more precious than all the treasures in the world put together. No matter what your present circumstances, you are irreplaceable.

('borrowed' in part from Biow's blog)